Sunday, December 2, 2007


Die-hard Fooditude fans may have been wondering where I have disappeared to lately and why my postings have been few and far between. Well, I can tell you that I have not been in the studio putting the finishing touches on my new rap CD.

However, if I had been doing that, I would call the CD "Unkillable," because, at least for now, that's what I appear to be. The fact is I have been convalescing after spending the better part of last week in the hospital. The cause of the illness is still a mystery. I personally favor a theory involving a radioactive spider, although my skeptical doctors insist such things are rare. But one thing that is very common, and pretty darn scary in its own right, is hospital food. If that didn't kill me, then maybe -- just maybe -- nothing can.

Here I am in a drafty gown with an IV in my arm, oxygen tubes up my nose, posing with a plastic cup of cubed pears in syrup. Since my heart came to a near standstill at one point, I was put in the cardiac ward and therefore I got fed the "cardiac diet." That meant low salt and low fat. Predictably, it turns out this food still contained more salt and fat (not to mention sugar) than I usually eat in normal life: I was left to gnaw on a boiled chicken thigh with skin or a gray turkey burger on a beige bun, and wash it down with vanilla pudding and cranberry juice cocktail. The food was certainly low on taste, but more importantly, it was mostly de-natured, processed, over-cooked and unlikely to nourish or rejuvenate an ill patient.

Eating healthful, living foods is never more important than when you are sick. Of course, a hospital is, in general, a terrible place to rest and recuperate. The atmosphere is impersonal and upsetting, patients' sleep is constantly interrupted so they can give blood or receive shots, and there is pain and disease pretty much everywhere. I concede that these may be unavoidable drawbacks, but lousy food is unnecessary and unhelpful.

So to all my secret operatives who smuggled fresh, whole foods into my hospital room, I offer my eternal gratitude. It is a far, far better rest that you go to than you have ever known.


Celia said...

How awful, Jeff!

The gown is quite fetching, but otherwise there's nothing good about the situation. I'm rooting for your speedy recovery!

Is the photo of something resembling peas and mashed potatoes, alongside various brownish...things...REALLY actual hospital food? Please, please tell me it's plastic fake food. Those peas aren't individual objects, but appear to be attached to one another with something the same color as the pease. ???

I'm so glad you have friends around who can smuggle edible stuff in to you.

Feel better fast, and insist that every doctor and nurse washes his/her hands before treating you!


Jeffrey Stock said...

Good eye, Riley! Yes, in fact those hospital peas are not peas at all. But no plastic is involved. The green mass is in fact puréed broccoli formed into the shape of a pile of peas. Easier to chew and digest that way, I suppose. Still, I'm not sure why they couldn't just purée actual peas.

JohnA said...

Welcome back, Mr. Fooditude! Any more of those pears in syrup left?

Tai said...

Thank god you're okay! I just hope there are no lasting ill effects from the culinary pestilence you were exposed to. Puréed broccoli!? That's like feeding kryptonite to Superman!

Did you find the radioactive spider? The little bastards are cunning...they like to hide in cell phones and iPods. I suggest wrapping your head in tinfoil until the coast is clear.

I'm glad you're back. In your absence I had to rely on my own weak and watery opinions, and I nearly starved to death. Be well....xoT

Riley said...

Pureed broccoli disguised as an unnatural lump of peas??

I have the feeling you're serious.

How did you find out what that stuff was? Did they provide you with a menu, and if so, how did they phrase it?

You're home and safe from this glop, right?

I'm afraid I'll have food nightmares tonight.

itzktb said...

So THAT'S where you've been, you naughty boy! Damn, now I can't take it personally that you haven't been there to provide that edible entertainment I've grown so accustomed to. I guess it's true, not everything is about me.

I'm so glad you're OK. Now put down the peas and forge on to the food!

Fia said...

Hi Jeff,how are you?
do you still remember me? it's me fia
I know it's was long time ago but i still remember you.

Are you ok?
But i hope it!

see ya